


Outcast

by JustAnAnxiousMess



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Panic Attacks, Pre-Episode: Accepting Anxiety
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:28:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27107983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustAnAnxiousMess/pseuds/JustAnAnxiousMess
Comments: 1
Kudos: 48





	Outcast

Roman paced up and down in the mindspace lounge, muttering angrily.

“he always seems to appear when he’s least wanted, which is all the time. Why can’t he just stop or even just take it down a level? He’s the very thing we try to protect Thomas from. He’s constantly making Thomas ignore my perfect ideas and there’s no reason for it other than jealousy. He’s probably jealous that everyone loves me but no one likes him because he’s constantly killing the good moods and providing morbid and intense input.”

Logan sat on the sofa, listening to Romans rant with a small frown on his face. He understood what Roman was saying but it seemed he was being a bit…what was the word? Extra. Yes he was being a bit extra due to having all his emotions mixed up in it.

Patton sat next to Logan with his legs crossed and a sad expression on his face. He didn’t agree with a lot of what Roman was saying but he could sort of understand why Roman was upset.

None of them wanted to see Thomas in such a sad nervous state but Patton felt like he was the only one who recognised that Virgil also hated seeing Thomas like that. Patton also recognised that, while the others enjoyed blaming Virgil for everything, it was usually one of them who had caused the problem but he was so easy to accuse.

That was one thing that upset Patton the most. Virgil never bothered to defend himself or say it wasn’t his fault. He always seemed ready to take insult after insult but Patton knew from personal experience that each comment built up until you snapped.

Roman stopped and shot a glare at Logan who looked ready to contradict him.

“I’m not going to say your wrong!” Logan said quickly. “I just think your emotions are getting out of hand. You need to calm down.”

Roman rolled his eyes and said “I’ll be calm once He leaves Thomas alone for once in his miserable life.”

Patton stood up, about to scold Roman when there was a noise from the doorway.

All three of them turned just in time to see Anxietys hoodie disappear round the corner.

Roman looked slightly guilty at being caught and Patton gave him one of his rare angry parent looks.

“we’re talking about this later.” is all he said before he set off to find Virgil.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Virgil froze as he heard the familiar voice of Roman ranting from the lounge. He realised Roman was talking about him and tears began to fall down his face and drip onto the floor between his feet.

He’d always known no one liked him but to hear Roman saying it out loud and so angrily was a real blow.

He stayed quiet, trying to calm himself down and heard Logans voice.

“I’m not going to say you’re wrong.” he said and Virgil stuffed a fist into his mouth to stop himself sobbing out loud. He hunched over and took a couple laboured breaths, trying to hold back his sobs.

He stood upright again in time to hear Roman say “I’ll be calm when He leaves Thomas alone for once in his miserable life.”

Virgil let out a small sob, turned and sprinted down the corridor. He turned the corner blindly, his vision blurred by tears, and dashed into the nearest room.

The door slammed shut behind him and he collapsed onto the floor, too busy crying to pay attention to what room he was in.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Roman frowned as both Patton and Logan began searching for Anxiety. It wasn’t enough that Anxiety had been turning Thomas against him, now those two were pissed at him too.

He couldn’t help but wish it was like the old days before Anxiety had popped up.

He sighed and headed to his room. There was no way he was going to help the others look because when they found him they’d just turn on him as if he was the bad guy when it was so clearly Anxiety.

Roman collapsed on his bed and decided to have a short nap, unaware of the dark trait in the room next to his.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Virgil sat curled up in the corner, sobbing silently as all the comments he’d endured seemed to be shouted at him in his head.

He couldn’t help but wonder why he existed when all he seemed able to do was cause Thomas problems. He’d tried a few times to be positive and not bother Thomas but it had always ended with something going wrong and he got the blame anyway.

He could still remember the time Thomas had almost hit a deer with his car.

He’d been watching Thomas on the large screen and instead of bringing up how Thomas should be careful and go slower he decided to keep his mouth shut. The result was he had to slam on the brakes and swerve into the other lane to avoid a deer that had dashed across the road.

The others had all cried out in surprise and once it became apparent that both Thomas and the deer were OK they’d turned to Virgil.

Virgil sobbed harder as he remembered the way Logan had berated him for not telling Thomas to slow down and Roman accused him of wanting to harm Thomas.

That was the last thing Virgil wanted but it seemed as if that was all he could do.

He wished the others knew how hard he tried to help but the only one with any idea was Patton.

The dad trait was probably the only person he could count on to actually listen to him which was why he’d told Patton his name.

They’d occasionally have small conversations and during one of them Patton had asked him what his real name was.

Virgil had obviously refused to tell him at first but when Patton told him a large secret of his own he caved in and told him.

That made Virgil consider what he’d just overheard. Logan and Roman had been talking about him so surely Patton was there somewhere but he hadn’t heard his voice which meant Patton either wasn’t there or was there and just didn’t speak up to defend Virgil which meant he could have just been pretending to be sympathetic towards Virgil and he knew his real name so what if he suddenly shared everything with the others and……

Virgils brain was running at a million miles per second, matching the erratic beat of his heart and frantic gasps for air.

As Virgil hyperventilated and passed out, the door to the room made a click sound and unlocked.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Patton and Logan spent a while searching for Virgil and when they met back up in the living room Pattons expression was grim.

“I couldn’t find him anywhere but surely he’ll turn up eventually.” Logan said but ducked his head at the stern look Patton was giving him.

“I am not going to just sit around waiting for him to reappear. That is ridiculous because that could take days. I’m fed up of watching as you or Roman say something snide about Anxiety and he just takes it like he’s fine when in reality it’s probably agony.” Pattons voice held no trace of his usual cheery tone as he spoke. “Have you not noticed how we refer to each other by our names but he has yet to share his? Shouldn’t that be enough to show he doesn’t feel comfortable enough to share such an important thing about himself because he doesn’t feel like an accepted part of Thomas?”

Logan was definitely caught off guard by Pattons words and he felt ashamed that he’d never picked up on any of the signals. He prided himself on being the most observant, intelligent trait yet he’d been blind to all the obvious signs.

With a sigh he said “Looking back now I can see what you mean and there’s no acceptable reason for why I seemed to overlook what was happening.”

Patton nodded and muttered “Roman seems to have a real issue with Anxiety. He’s never able to talk about him unless it’s in a negative light and he’s not even bothering to help us look. In fact I’m both concerned and pissed off at how little Roman seems to care.”

Logan put a hand on Pattons shoulder to calm him “We should find Anxiety first and then figure out what Romans problem with him is.”

Patton took a deep breath and nodded “Let’s both look together.”

The two bespectacled traits ended up searching the hallways and rooms of the mindspace together, their worry starting to grow as they couldn’t seem to find a sign of Virgil.

They stood outside Romans room, talking in hushed whispers about whether or not they should confront the Royal trait when Logan suddenly noticed a door he’d never seen before.

“What’s that room?” he asked Patton who followed where Logans finger was pointing and blinked a couple times in surprise.

“I don’t know but we should check inside just in case.” Patton muttered, already stepping towards the door.

He pushed the door open and searched the room with his eyes, making a small sad “aw” noise when he noticed Virgil passed out in the far corner.

Logan stood behind Patton with a concerned expression on his face as he too noticed the younger trait. He felt like his feet were planted to the spot so he remained where he was while Patton walked further into the room.

Patton crouched down and lifted Virgil into his arms, sighing as he felt how light he was. He walked out of the room and gently placed Virgil down on one of the couches in the lounge.

Logan hovered nearby, unsure what to do now they’d found him.

Patton ran a hand through Virgils hair, smiling sadly at how peaceful he looked. “It’s kind of heart-breaking how unusual it is to see him so peaceful. Just look at him.”

Logan felt yet another twinge of guilt as he looked at Anxiety properly. He did indeed look much different with a calm expression on his face but Logan could see the dark circles under his eyes which Anxiety strategically tried to hide with eyeshadow.

Logan forced his eyes away from Anxietys face and noticed an odd mark peeking out from under his collar.

“What’s that?” he asked pointing to the mark that usually would be hidden but Anxietys hoodie had fallen open so it was visible.

Patton leant closer and gently tugged the collar away slightly so he could see what Logan was talking about.

Patton jolted back with his hands over his mouth and tears trickling down his cheeks.

Logan was alarmed now and took a look himself.

“No… He… He wouldn’t.” Logan said in a quiet voice, shocked.

Patton sniffed and wiped the tears from his face with the cardigan around his neck. “He probably feels like he has no one to confide in, no one to complain or talk to.”

Logan sank to the floor with his head in his hands. “I had an inkling that he possibly felt segregated from the group but I never thought it would be so bad that he’d resort to that.”

“That’s the thing Logan, not everyone has the same capacity for handling things. Some of the things that you see as easy to deal with may prove to be the worst thing in the world to others.” Patton said in a serious voice. “An example is Roman and his constant need for attention. If Thomas were to ignore him the way he ignores Anxiety then Roman would probably have a breakdown or throw a strop. If it were either of us we’d be able to understand that maybe Thomas had something more important to focus on because we all deal with things differently. ”

Logan was surprised at such wise words coming from Pattons mouth and then mentally scolded himself for thinking that. Patton was Thomas’s morality so he had to be capable of coming up with stuff like that.

“You’re right Patton, I guess I’m just caught off guard.” Logan said.

Patton smiled sadly before his face went stony as he said “We need to confront Roman. Now we know the true extent of Anxietys suffering we have to stop Roman from doing his usual thing.”

Logans had a grim expression on his face as he spoke “It’ll be difficult due to his stubborn nature but I think if we spin it from the right angle we can probably convince him.”

The two of them looked at Virgil again, he looked so vulnerable and peaceful.

Logan got to his feet and they walked towards Romans room, knocked on the door and waited for him to open it.

Roman rolled his eyes as he opened the door and asked “What do you want?”

Patton fixed him with a glare and Roman took a step back in surprise.

“We need to have a little talk about the way you treat Anxiety.” Patton said and took a step into Romans room, pulled Logan in with him and shut the door.

Roman groaned in annoyance and sat on his bed “It’s fine, come in and make yourselves at home.” he muttered sarcastically.

“Roman, why do you have such an issue with Anxiety?” Logan asked and Roman frowned.

“He’s always turning Thomas against me and he’s so negative. He’s a constant damper on any good mood Thomas has and there’s no reason behind it. Things would just be so much simpler if he wasn’t around to make Thomas feel bad.”

Patton let out a small growl at the last part of what Roman said “Don’t you dare ever say anything like that again! He is a part of Thomas and his main priority is Thomas’s safety, plus the way you’re talking it’s almost like you think Thomas’s mood dropping is a big problem. I am Thomas’s emotions so sometimes the drop is down to me, not Anxiety but of course you always assume the worst of the poor kid.”

Roman was caught off guard by Pattons words but before he could respond Logan began to speak.

“You need to keep in mind that he’s one of us and he’s capable of feeling like we do. He can cry and laugh just like you can so it seems the real issue here is that maybe you have never seen him looking anything but negative. Can you think of a reason why he might have never shown a smile around you? I can think of several.”

Roman thought back to all the times he’d been around Anxiety and winced as he realised Logan was right. He’d never seen any kind of smile or positive expression on Anxietys face.

Roman shook off the guilt that slowly started to creep up on him. “It’s not like either of you can name a situation where he’s not been mopey…”

Patton scoffed “I can name quite a few actually, it seems as if he’s just very guarded around you.”

Roman tried to think of an argument “He’s Anxiety…”

“No! He’s a valid part of Thomas with his own thoughts, feelings and name which he obviously feels uncomfortable sharing due to the way both you and Logan react towards him.” Patton interrupted, sending a look to both of the traits. “Imagine how you’d feel if you were ignored almost all the time and when someone did listen to you the majority of the time it was so they could insult you.”

Logan knew what Patton was saying and decided to add his own input “You said before that you don’t like how negatively he effects Thomas but I’m sure that a lot of the time the reason for the drop in mood is Patton. Whenever Anxiety shows up Patton probably fills with dread because he knows either you or I am going to say something that’ll upset Anxiety.”

Roman looked at Patton questioningly and put his head in his hands at seeing the nod confirming what Logan said.

“I…. I just don’t understand how Anxiety can have so much effect on everything Thomas does. He has a say in nearly everything and it’s so frustrating when a perfectly good idea is shot down due to Anxiety and his ability to warp my words.”

Logan was expecting this sort of comment and began to explain what he knew about Anxiety.

“He is capable of seeing all scenarios and picking up on issues and flaws that the rest of us may overlook. That’s what his entire job is, to analyse a situation and whisper little warnings and comments to Thomas to be careful”

Patton took a seat next to Roman and muttered “Think of how lonely he feels, the only times you’ve spoken to him it’s been to insult him and most of the time you just ignore whatever he’s saying. He talks to me but even then he’s guarded and rarely shares anything about himself.”

Roman was reeling from everything the two glasses wearing traits were saying. He could hardly believe how blind he’d been. Was he really that selfish that his own ego was worth more than the well being of one of his fellow traits?

“He’s…. He’s one of Them though.” Roman said half-heartedly and flinched at the angry growl coming from Patton.

“Don’t even try that! He’s one of us and you know it!”

Logan suddenly gasped in realisation. “That’s why you have such an issue with him isn’t it? You think he’s working for Them and trying to get in with us to create a foothold for Them to take control.”

Roman sighed “I can’t help it. Just look at…. You know….. Snake face…. He’s very good at fooling people and if Anxiety has been with Him and Them then of course I’m going to be on my guard. Especially with how negative he is all the time.”

Patton had a scowl on his face. “Anxiety is not one of Them. He is one of us and it’s time you both start treating him properly, like one of the family.”

Roman sighed again. “OK, fine. I’ll try and take everything you’ve told me on board.”

Logan lead the way out of Romans room towards the lounge where Anxiety was still laying on the couch.

“look at him and try to tell me he deserves any of the insults and anger you direct at him” Patton muttered in a quiet voice.

Roman looked down at Anxietys peaceful face and felt his stomach jolt unpleasantly. He’d never seen him look so calm and he was feeling incredibly guilty about what he’d said earlier.

Anxiety stirred slightly in his sleep and a small frown appeared on his face as he mumbled “I’m sorry.”

Patton walked over and perched on the edge of the couch, brushing Anxietys bangs out of his face.

Roman felt his legs wobbling and sank to his knees, unable to look away from the young trait he’d treated so badly.

He knew Logan had been less than pleasant to him as well but it was always Roman who’d take things too far.

Roman was the one who’d insult him and put him down whenever he tried to contribute an idea. Roman was the one who constantly referred to him as the villain or bad guy in every situation. Roman was the one who’d said no one liked him and he was unwanted.

“No, Thomas please.” Anxiety suddenly muttered, a frown steadily growing on his face. “I’m trying to help, please don’t take those.”

Logan gasped as he realised what Anxiety was dreaming about. “We should probably wake him up. I think he’s having a nightmare about Thomas taking anxiety medication.”

“Thomas. No. No! Roman! Stop him! Logan! Patton! Anyone! Please, I promise I’ll be better! No! I’m sorry!” Anxiety begged his voice rising and becoming a panicked scream.

Patton tried to shake Virgil awake but he started thrashing around in a panic. “Patton! Stop him! Please!” he shrieked and tears rolled down Pattons face.

Roman was knelt frozen in shock, his eyes locked onto Anxietys thrashing form.

Logan rushed forward and pinned Anxietys arms to his sides to stop him hurting himself while Patton gently shook him awake.

Eventually Anxietys eyes flew open and he sat up, gasping for breath.

His eyes locked onto Patton and he let out a sob, his thoughts still racing from the nightmare.

“shhh it’s OK, nothing is going to hurt you.” Patton said in a soft voice and gently tugged Virgil in for a hug.

Virgil sniffed a few times before clinging to Patton and breaking down, his entire body shaking as he let everything out.

“It was just a nightmare. It wasn’t real. I’ve got you, everything is OK.” Patton said, running a hand through Virgils hair while his other hand rubbed soothing circles into his back.

Logan and Roman felt like they were intruding on a private moment but they didn’t dare try to leave in case they disturbed the two traits on the couch.

After a while Virgil managed to calm himself down and he stopped sobbing. He stayed in Pattons embrace though, eyes closed as he concentrated on keeping his breathing even.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Patton asked and Virgil replied in a quiet voice “Not really.”

Patton continued to rub circles into Virgils back, sending a meaningful look at the other two that told them this was their chance.

Logan spoke up first. “Anxiety are you feeling adequate?”

Anxiety flinched violently at his voice and struggled but Patton whispered in his ear to calm him down and make him give Logan a chance.

“N……no.” Virgil managed to get out, his breaths coming in short pants.

“would you like me to fetch some tissues or something of that effect?” Logan asked, his voice softer than usual making Virgil relax slightly.

“No I’m g… Good. Thanks.” he muttered, his eyes still closed and his face hidden in Pattons chest.

Roman swallowed, his mouth dry as he tried to come up with the right words to say.

“Anxiety, I’m deeply sorry for everything I’ve said and done.” he started and Virgils eyes shot open and he let out a small yelp of fear.

“No, no. No! Not you too! This isn’t real! This is another dream!” he shouted pulling away from Patton and getting shakily to his feet.

Virgils eyes were wide as they flicked from Patton to Logan to Roman and back again. He backed away until his back collided with a wall which he slid down and gasped for breath, his eyes rapidly darting around the room.

“Anxiety, I am truly sorry for everything. This isn’t a dream.” Roman said slowly edging closer to the panicked trait.

“It is a dream! There’s no way you’d apologise!” Virgil shouted.

Roman winced at that and replied “It’s not a dream, I’m really apologising here.”

Virgil shook his head and Roman shifted closer trying to ignore the way he tried to shrink back into the wall to avoid Roman with his eyes shut tightly.

Roman reached out a hand and gently caressed Virgils face, making the anxious trait whimper in fear.

“See? This is all real. I’m incredibly sorry for everything. If I could go back in time and take everything back I would. I’ve been a right….. arrogant dick towards you and you didn’t deserve any of the filth I spewed at you.” Roman said in a quiet voice.

Virgils eyes fluttered open and the fear shining in them made Roman tear up.

“I don’t deserve to be forgiven for all the crap I’ve put you through.” Roman murmured, tears silently falling down his face.

Virgil searched the fanciful traits eyes, looking for any hint of deception and found nothing but sincere regret and sorrow.

“Y….you’re right. You..you don’t deserve to be forgiven.” he whispered. “I should laugh and throw your apology back in your face but I won’t b…because no matter h….how hard I try I can never stop myself c…caring about you a…all.”

Roman felt even more guilty about what he’d said and done as he heard that and he tried to open his mouth to speak but Virgil cut him off.

“I forgive you but please don’t play with my emotions, if this is all just some ploy or trick then just leave me be.”

Roman shook his head “This is all real, I promise. I didn’t mean any of the nasty comments I said before and I will never treat you like that ever again.”

Virgils eyes drifted over to Patton, who was smiling encouragingly, and Logan who had a guilty expression on his face.

“Why?” he asked in a small voice. He didn’t understand why they suddenly all changed their minds about him.

“Because I made them stop and think about what they’d said and done. They didn’t realise how they’d been acting until I pointed it out and then they understood.” Patton said, carefully watching Virgil to make sure he didn’t panic.

“I… I apologise deeply for the part I played in making you feel like an outcast, I wasn’t exactly behaving logically and I should have picked up on the signs but I overlooked them.” Logan said, his head bowed in shame.

Virgil sniffed and looked back at Roman for a few seconds before slumping forwards and hugging the creative trait, tears streaking both of their faces as Romans hand rubbed his back.

Patton walked over and joined the two on the floor, wrapping his arms around both of them. He glanced over at Logan who seemed to hesitate, unsure what to do for once.

“Come on Logan, get in here.” Patton said and Logan slowly walked over, dropping to his knees and joining the group hug.

“From now on we stick together, no matter what.” Patton said as he hugged everyone tightly.

“No matter what.” Roman repeated in Virgils ear, making the anxious trait smile slightly.


End file.
